It took my grandpa dying to kick my ass into making herbal medicine again. He just passed (11/11) of congestive heart failure, which ironically lines up with my previous publication. Literally to a fucking T.
As a heavy believer of manifestation, part of me believes I manifested his death… but I know there’s only trouble if I go down that guilt-ridden thought hole. But like… did I?! Oh god…
I previously wrote about how I wanted to gain justice for the lives lost due to COVID, the vaccine, and the lies of “officials”. I wrote about my ploy to gain justice by exposing the truth and creating an herbal remedy for heart health. Naturally, justice is quite personal. In fact, you would need a personal reason TO gain justice for something, like a loved one’s death… So… I’m not saying I manifested my grandfather’s death directly, but I definitely feel like I manifested a personal vendetta to keep me motivated in my fight against the current evil, manipulative hands at play.
And that makes me so fucking sad.
It took my grandpa dying to kick my ass into making herbal medicine again.
I've only ever experienced the death of three loved ones so far (one of those being my dog), and while I'm grateful to have experienced minimal death, it makes processing it a little harder. And confusing. Very confusing, actually.
My process is very different than most I know — I typically don't cry in front of others, or much at all. Few tears will fall here and there, but usually nothing heavy for a while no matter how intense the feelings are. Then, there will be a short (like five minutes top) but deep cry that’ll produce so much snot to the point where I’ll stop focusing on my sadness and start questioning how my body could make so. much. snot. Like, where does it all come from!?
Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Sometimes I worry people think I’m weird and insensitive. Cold even. But that’s far from the truth. I feel things quite intensely, I just have a different way of handling and moving through my emotions, especially grief.
I'm sort of in my guilt phase of grief, as you can tell. Like, I feel guilty for not making my heart remedy earlier and telling him about it. I feel guilty for not reaching out more often than I did. I feel guilty for not feeling sad all the time. The intense moments of sadness only last a short period and don’t happen as often as I think they should. Again, is there something wrong with me?
I'm sort of in my guilt phase of grief, as you can tell.
The last time I saw him was his 71st birthday celebration last year, and he was seemed so happy to be surrounded by his loved ones. Any and every event he went to, he was the life of the party. Always cracking jokes, always making me laugh. He was so kind, so supportive, and aways encouraging me on my endeavors and life plans. He went to every single major accomplishment I had — graduations (even kindergarten!), award ceremonies, choir concerts, etc. He was always right there, proud smile on his face, camera in hand. Oh man, you would never see him without his camera! Photography was his life. He was always taking photos; to the point where every family event consisted of what seemed like thousands of family photos, thousands of poses, thousands of forced smiles. A lot of times it was annoying. Now? Now, family get togethers won’t be the same…. He truly loved photography. Had his own business, website, and everything! The family chat was always active with him sending old photos almost daily. As he said, “family pictures should always be shared with family”.
He lived a happy, retired life with photography and grandma, his two loves. My god, will he be missed.
I wish I told him about my research. I wish I told him about garlic and hawthorn and their amazing cardiovascular benefits. I wish he never took the VACCINES. I WISH HE WAS NEVER LIED TO BY THE VERY PEOPLE WHO’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE TRUTH!
But while I can't wish away the past, I damn sure can shape the future.
This herbal heart remedy is personal now. This justice is personal now. Fueled by love for my community, and revenge for my grandfather. So grandpa, this remedy is for you.
Herbal heart remedy:
Hawthorn Leaf - Crataegus laevigata (cardiac tonic)
Hawthorn Berries - Crataegus laevigata (cardiac tonic)
Garlic - Allium sativum (circulatory tonic)
Turmeric - Curcuma longa (anti-inflammatory)
Motherwort - Leonurus cardiaca (cardiac strengthening)
Echinacea - Echinacea angustifolia (immune stimulant)
Apple Cider Vinegar (tonic)
I highly recommend doing your own research into the individual herbs and their health benefits. For those who are interested in making the remedy yourself, or think a loved one would need it, I’ve outlined the process to make the herbal tincture below. Disclaimer: *consult with your medical practitioner if you are breastfeeding, pregnant, or on any medications. This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. For educational purposes only.
I like to use fresh herbs for tinctures as they’re most potent, but if you’re not growing them yourself (which I plan!) that can be a bit difficult. But, you can go to your local herb shop and get all the leaves, flowers, berries, roots and powders your heart desires.
Go ahead and mix all the herbs into a large bowl.
Once all the herbs are mixed, add them into an air-tight jar. You should have enough mix to fill the jar ½ to 2/3rds of the way.
Add in apple cider vinegar (with mother!) until the jar is full.
Store in a dark, cool place for minimum two weeks. Shake the mixture every so often.
Once ready, strain the herbs out and put the finished tincture in an amber bottle to protect from sunlight.
If you’re not interested in making this yourself but do want to take preventative or additional steps towards taking care of your heart, I will have limited supply of this tincture available soon. It’s gonna be prepping for a while, so soon is more like a month from now, BUT, it will be available for immediate use. I will publish an update when it’s ready.
If you’d like to know when the tincture becomes available but aren’t subscribed, subscribe below to get an update delivered directly to your email.
Thank you for reading my grief process.
I love you grandpa.
Eb
The fact that I have to put that disclaimer on there pisses me the fuck off.